How Much Is Too Much?

While dealing with a very personal and rather disgusting health problem this week, I had an unexplainable urge to blog about it. Well, not completely unexplainable. It was disgusting and unbelievable, but also epic in many ways and I felt it had the right to be documented. Also, because of the type of problem- it would have been a hilarious blog post. And no- its not an STD.

Anyway, it got me thinking about what the line is between “funny blog post” and “too much information”. I assume its different for everyone, but I needed some guidance. As an avid blog reader, I turned to other blogs to see where their line was and well…there really wasn’t one. But that may be because of the type of blogs I read and not really because such a line doesn’t exist. For the mommyblogs I read at work the line is pretty clearly drawn (either that or nothing funny, offensive or sexual happens in your life after you have children- which is also likely). But this is not a mommyblog and- God willing-it never will be.

So I was left to turn inwardly, which is never a good solution. Anyone who knows me know that I am an overshare-er. Once I have met you for five minutes I assume you want to know about my menstrual cycle, my sex life, what I ate for dinner three nights ago, my very firm stance on mittens vs gloves, my undying love for Montel Williams, my secret desire to get hit by a NY city taxi, the medical history of my family etc. And, I assume you want to hear about it loudly. Because I am an overshare-er and an overspeaker- which is at times a deadly combination.

I blame this personality defect (or enhancement! Depending on how you look at it)on two things: 1. I am Jewish, which by very nature lends itself to being loud, abrasive and expressive. For further reference, please see every stereotype of a Jewish mother. And 2. I am from New Jersey, which by nature lends itself to being loud, abrasive and socially unaware. For further reference, please see the famed MTV documentary “True Life: I am a Jersey Shore Girl”.

Ironically though, I don’t have the same feeling about this very public blog about my very public life as I do about general social interactions. While I generally cannot keep myself in check during conversations with friends (or dates, or acquaintances, or relatives, or complete strangers who are unfortunate enough to be sitting near me), the blog is different. I can keep myself in check. I can remain composed. I can hit “delete”. There have been many times where I said something, immediately regretted it and was thankful that there was no video camera or stenographer following me around. This is one of the many reasons I would never want to go on the Real World or why I linger a few minutes rather than share an elevator ride with the SVP of my company- there is no verbal delete button and I am missing a brain-to-mouth filter.

An aside: The only exception to this is at work when I am talking to the media, but usually I have some sort of notes or outline or pitch to go off of. I am often impressed with my composure when I hang up the phone with a journalist and then I turn to my coworker to discuss the phone call and say something completely nonsensical and/or awkward…loudly. Maybe I should start hanging out with only reporters and editors?

Anyway, instead of writing a post about a rather disturbing, yet hilarious and interesting thing that happened to my body, instead I am writing about not writing about it. I am also going on the record as saying I probably wont ever write about sex- unless something totally hilarious happens and I just have to (which, for those of you who know my sexual history, is not out of the realm of possibility). I tried to think of something else to round it out to three, but that’s all I got. Apparently my line is straight vertical and runs from sex to body oddities.

In other news: its fucking cold in New York. Almost too cold to justify being alive. I am on some pretty heavy-duty antibiotics so I can’t drink (read: have fun). I got some…interesting…news from work this week that I don’t know how to process. Its supposed to snow tonight. I just spilled water all over my sweater...in front of our managing director. I have been so out of the loop since Saturday- thanks to snow and then deformity- that I have not done anything social since Friday and I miss my friends.

But, on the bright side of life: Jose is back in the states so I can call/text/harass/love him whenever I want from the safe distance of 1,000 miles. I finished that awful book and I am so angry at it that I cant even write a post about it- but the good news is I get to start my social media book. I got a full night of sleep last night which hasn’t happened in almost a week, thanks to aforementioned health problem. Asher comes back this weekend- FINALLY- and it’s a three day weekend which leaves even more time for making out. I somehow got free lunch today. I won iphone solitaire FOUR times on the way to work this morning (and I didn’t even play the whole train ride which I’m pretty sure makes me some sort of solitaire prodigy). I feel 3 million times better than I did yesterday. My favorite blogger ever just started updating again after a month long hiatus and I am not (okay, I totally am) embarrassed to say that I missed her. I am booking my ticket to New Orleans sometime this week (really). I am wearing thermal leggings under my work pants (or, as I prefer to call them because it’s funnier and I am secretly a 70 year old lady- long johns) and I don’t really know why that makes me happy- but it does.